As I watched the Neda video, I cried. Bawled actually. She was born the same year I was- almost my same age. But I'm so proud of her and the Iranian people. I don't know who I am, that it should matter if I'm proud, but I am. I'm so proud of them for standing up to their government and I hope that this will not quiet them. I hope they keep fighting. I hope they know how much we're rooting for them.
I will post a picture on nedaspeaks.org. I want them to know that I am one of the millions that is behind them. That I love them even though I don't know them. That I grieve with them for Neda and all those who died and are incarcerated, even though I can't imagine the depths of their pain and despair.
Keep reaching. We are with you.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Don't you want to see the best in me???
"This just in, not everyone you meet will like you. Kelly, people across the nation are shocked and outraged. Can you give us some opinions on the scene?"
"Yes Bob, we're here in front of the Supreme Court where they have just ruled in a controversial 5-4 decision that it is OKAY for people not to like each other. I have with me here Gretta, a dog walker from Tennessee, who is simply appalled. "
Gretta, in her southern drawl: I am in complete shock Kelly. Why wouldn't anyone like me? I mean, sure, I protest outside abortion clinics and if you don't believe what I believe I think you're goin' to hell, but should you really judge me? I mean, I don't judge other people. Facts are just facts."
"I'll leave you all to contemplate the irony there. Back to you Bob."
Poor Gretta. Poor us. The media has really awoken our vicious side. How many adjectives did you just come up with to describe Gretta? So quick to assume the worst of people. So hungry for it, too. When you flip on the television and turn to E! are you waiting to hear if Britney has flipped out again? Do you get excited when a celebrity has used a racial or religious slur and you can talk about them at work the next day?
I think we're all guilty, in some way or another, of the voyeur's pleasure. Watching and waiting for something... Just waiting for some idiot like Gretta to open her big mouth so we can pounce on her and explain to her why she's a moron and set her straight.
I have made a decision, that I know I will struggle to stick to, but darn it I'll try, that I'm going to try and assume the best of people; like Gretta. Gretta believes life begins at conception. Gretta believes that abortion is murder and that she will fight for that child's right to live if no one else will. Gretta loves you and doesn't want you to go to hell, so she will shove her beliefs in your face every damn day in the hopes she can save your soul. She believes it's why she's here. It's her purpose.
Now I might not agree with Gretta's tactics, but I have to look at her deeper reasons. I know she's a working mom, who loves her kids and her husband and volunteers on Sundays at her local homeless shelter after she's attended service at church. I might think she's crazy as a bat, but she's only doing what she thinks is right. (Now if Gretta bombs the abortion clinic, or protests at a gay person's funeral, we've got a whole set of different circumstances on our hands. There will always be extremists, and we can't judge the whole group by the extreme few. Well, you can, but I won't.)
I would want Gretta to look at me and assume the best of me. That, even though I'm a heathen who believes in gay marriage, and although I don't believe in abortion myself, would never take away a woman's right to choose, I'm a good person. And as she put her hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes to try and rescue my soul and I kindly declined her offer, she knows she tried her best and I know she really loves me. I shake my head a little as I walk away, knowing as obnoxious as I think it is, she really does care about me. She shakes her head behind me; she's worried about me and she won't give up.
Wow, am I in a fantasy world or what??? If we could all agree to disagree and respect each other's views and opinions. Imagine that. Imagine all the people...
And it's okay if Gretta and I don't agree and don't really like one another. I don't shout at her that she's a crazy, homophobic, bible thumper and she doesn't shout at me that I'm a heathenistic lost cause. (Yes, I know heathenistic isn't a word :-))
I guess when someone uses unkind words that hurt me, I don't just want to assume they're a jerk and walk away. Maybe they're very passionate about something and given the chance they would change the way they said it. It will make me feel better at the very least. And I think that's what I'm trying to protect; me. My self esteem.
I'm not good at handling criticism when given in a nonconstructive way. But if you write and put things out there it will happen. I guess I would always want people to take into account that I'm human. I have feelings. I have a husband that I love more than anything. I have a cat named Reeses that will scratch the sh** out of you if you're not careful. I have a house that has lost so much of it's value, I feel stuck for all eternity. I'm just like everyone else.
So please assume the best of me instead of the worse. And I promise I will always try to do the same for you :-)
And for those of you out there, who are so strong that words do not affect you, no matter how brutal, I don't know whether to envy you, or pity you. But I will say that just because you are that strong, don't forget that not all of us are.
*Thank you to my father. Who inspires me to think, to reach for the stars, and challenges my opinions every time we talk :-) And I love him for that.*
"Yes Bob, we're here in front of the Supreme Court where they have just ruled in a controversial 5-4 decision that it is OKAY for people not to like each other. I have with me here Gretta, a dog walker from Tennessee, who is simply appalled. "
Gretta, in her southern drawl: I am in complete shock Kelly. Why wouldn't anyone like me? I mean, sure, I protest outside abortion clinics and if you don't believe what I believe I think you're goin' to hell, but should you really judge me? I mean, I don't judge other people. Facts are just facts."
"I'll leave you all to contemplate the irony there. Back to you Bob."
Poor Gretta. Poor us. The media has really awoken our vicious side. How many adjectives did you just come up with to describe Gretta? So quick to assume the worst of people. So hungry for it, too. When you flip on the television and turn to E! are you waiting to hear if Britney has flipped out again? Do you get excited when a celebrity has used a racial or religious slur and you can talk about them at work the next day?
I think we're all guilty, in some way or another, of the voyeur's pleasure. Watching and waiting for something... Just waiting for some idiot like Gretta to open her big mouth so we can pounce on her and explain to her why she's a moron and set her straight.
I have made a decision, that I know I will struggle to stick to, but darn it I'll try, that I'm going to try and assume the best of people; like Gretta. Gretta believes life begins at conception. Gretta believes that abortion is murder and that she will fight for that child's right to live if no one else will. Gretta loves you and doesn't want you to go to hell, so she will shove her beliefs in your face every damn day in the hopes she can save your soul. She believes it's why she's here. It's her purpose.
Now I might not agree with Gretta's tactics, but I have to look at her deeper reasons. I know she's a working mom, who loves her kids and her husband and volunteers on Sundays at her local homeless shelter after she's attended service at church. I might think she's crazy as a bat, but she's only doing what she thinks is right. (Now if Gretta bombs the abortion clinic, or protests at a gay person's funeral, we've got a whole set of different circumstances on our hands. There will always be extremists, and we can't judge the whole group by the extreme few. Well, you can, but I won't.)
I would want Gretta to look at me and assume the best of me. That, even though I'm a heathen who believes in gay marriage, and although I don't believe in abortion myself, would never take away a woman's right to choose, I'm a good person. And as she put her hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes to try and rescue my soul and I kindly declined her offer, she knows she tried her best and I know she really loves me. I shake my head a little as I walk away, knowing as obnoxious as I think it is, she really does care about me. She shakes her head behind me; she's worried about me and she won't give up.
Wow, am I in a fantasy world or what??? If we could all agree to disagree and respect each other's views and opinions. Imagine that. Imagine all the people...
And it's okay if Gretta and I don't agree and don't really like one another. I don't shout at her that she's a crazy, homophobic, bible thumper and she doesn't shout at me that I'm a heathenistic lost cause. (Yes, I know heathenistic isn't a word :-))
I guess when someone uses unkind words that hurt me, I don't just want to assume they're a jerk and walk away. Maybe they're very passionate about something and given the chance they would change the way they said it. It will make me feel better at the very least. And I think that's what I'm trying to protect; me. My self esteem.
I'm not good at handling criticism when given in a nonconstructive way. But if you write and put things out there it will happen. I guess I would always want people to take into account that I'm human. I have feelings. I have a husband that I love more than anything. I have a cat named Reeses that will scratch the sh** out of you if you're not careful. I have a house that has lost so much of it's value, I feel stuck for all eternity. I'm just like everyone else.
So please assume the best of me instead of the worse. And I promise I will always try to do the same for you :-)
And for those of you out there, who are so strong that words do not affect you, no matter how brutal, I don't know whether to envy you, or pity you. But I will say that just because you are that strong, don't forget that not all of us are.
*Thank you to my father. Who inspires me to think, to reach for the stars, and challenges my opinions every time we talk :-) And I love him for that.*
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Hmmm....
My hands flew to cover my ears as the ripping and tearing noises became worse. I remained crouched in the corner of the cell I'd been thrown into hours before. Had it been hours? I just couldn't be sure. I was filthy and tired and sore from being tossed about. The others around me were not my people, which scared me. Where was my mother? My mother's sister? Where were the other peasants from our village? Our village priest? Anyone...
A tear trickled down my dusty cheek and I quickly wiped it away. No! I would not cry in front of these strangers. Although they were prisoners like me, I would not show weakness. I looked at them more closely then, having been trying to avert my eyes up until this point. A woman and what appeared to be her daughter were in another corner of the cramped cell. They were hanging on to each other for dear life. The daughter was weeping into her mother's shoulder and her fingers were digging into the the woman's dark brown skin. The woman clung to the small girl just as tightly. Her eyes were closed and she was rocking her back and forth, whispering words I could not hear over the horrible sounds. A prayer no doubt. Perhaps that's what I should be doing right now. My eyes continued around the room; all women. All dirty and frightened and prisoners. I pulled my feet closer to me and hugged me knees. Taking my hands away from my ears was painful, but I was getting used to the sounds now. I could decipher screaming and clashing; perhaps metal on metal? It all began to blend together again, into the background, as my eyes began to droop. So tired. I pinched my thigh to stay awake. I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and find a way out of here.
A tear trickled down my dusty cheek and I quickly wiped it away. No! I would not cry in front of these strangers. Although they were prisoners like me, I would not show weakness. I looked at them more closely then, having been trying to avert my eyes up until this point. A woman and what appeared to be her daughter were in another corner of the cramped cell. They were hanging on to each other for dear life. The daughter was weeping into her mother's shoulder and her fingers were digging into the the woman's dark brown skin. The woman clung to the small girl just as tightly. Her eyes were closed and she was rocking her back and forth, whispering words I could not hear over the horrible sounds. A prayer no doubt. Perhaps that's what I should be doing right now. My eyes continued around the room; all women. All dirty and frightened and prisoners. I pulled my feet closer to me and hugged me knees. Taking my hands away from my ears was painful, but I was getting used to the sounds now. I could decipher screaming and clashing; perhaps metal on metal? It all began to blend together again, into the background, as my eyes began to droop. So tired. I pinched my thigh to stay awake. I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and find a way out of here.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Breakthrough....maybe
I love the show The Biggest Loser and now I also love Losing It with Jillian Michaels. I love seeing the transformations. I love seeing people take control of their lives. I love seeing how happy they are. I cry every single time :-)
But I always hear the same thing, "There's a deeper reason."
What does that mean??? Oprah, Jillian and Bob, you name it, they say it. THERE'S A DEEPER REASON!!!
So I used to sit on the couch and say to myself, there is no deeper reason. I'm overweight because I choose to sit on this couch, eat poorly, and not change my habits. Done. End of story. I'm not blaming anyone else. I'm taking responsibility. Pat on the back for me...fatty, I would chide myself in my head.
But I guess if you hear something often enough you start to question yourself: is there a deeper reason? No, no, it's my bad choices, they come from laziness, done. THERE'S A DEEPER REASON! Well, maybe...no, no, no, nothing deep here. Keep on movin'. THERE'S A DEEPER REASON!! Okay, I'm questioning Oprah, but I can't find anything. I'm digging, but all I see is this lazy person who won't do anything to change, and frankly, I don't want to look at her all that closely because she's not inspiring and she's still sitting on the damn couch eating ice cream. So you can take your deeper crap and shove it! THERE'S A DEEPER REASON!!! Wow. Okay I hear you. Maybe if I can identify it, I can start to make changes. Maybe....but I always fail. WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT STEPHANIE? I always fail. WHAT?!?!?!? I ALWAYS FAIL! Ah. I see.
Every time I lose weight, I gain it back, and then some. Every time I go to write, I find something else to do. There are always excuses. But there's a deeper reason :-)
No matter how hard I work, my idea of a fabulous body is Shakira and I'll NEVER get there. So what's the point??? HUH JILLIAN? I can't afford a personal trainer and nutritionist and I don't have time to to work out 2 hours a day, six days a week! Jillian whispers to me: you know that's not it Stephanie. You can make better choices, you can work out everyday, and you know how to work out. You have to believe in you or no one else will. You have to know that you CAN achieve that goal if you really want it. Do you want it? Otherwise, stop beating yourself up about it.
Well, let's be realistic. Jillian would yell at me that I would reach that goal :-) But the point is, why not reach for the stars? Why not reach for size 6? Why not reach for publication? I deserve it, if I work hard for it and I want it bad enough. I need to stop being afraid of failure and start living. I need to stop fearing the people I might encounter in my master's courses, who have bachelors in English that I don't have. So what? If they have a love for writing, they probably struggle just like I do and they might really want to help me or have an appreciation for what I do or, at the very least, take no notice of me whatsoever. They have better things to do than laugh at me or worry about my writing. So stop being afraid!
But the voice is still there. The doubt. What if you give up? What if you lose your motivation? What if you fail?
We don't change overnight. Life is a journey and right now I'm on a precarious trek that could fall to either side, but if it falls on the side of success? What if I succeed? I think it might be time to put a sticky note on the bathroom mirror!
What if you succeed?
*Aunt Mimi. You inspire me with your eloquence and your love for the arts; for your bravery in choices you've made in your life and things you've lived through :-) I love you and I love that you believe in me. Thank you.*
But I always hear the same thing, "There's a deeper reason."
What does that mean??? Oprah, Jillian and Bob, you name it, they say it. THERE'S A DEEPER REASON!!!
So I used to sit on the couch and say to myself, there is no deeper reason. I'm overweight because I choose to sit on this couch, eat poorly, and not change my habits. Done. End of story. I'm not blaming anyone else. I'm taking responsibility. Pat on the back for me...fatty, I would chide myself in my head.
But I guess if you hear something often enough you start to question yourself: is there a deeper reason? No, no, it's my bad choices, they come from laziness, done. THERE'S A DEEPER REASON! Well, maybe...no, no, no, nothing deep here. Keep on movin'. THERE'S A DEEPER REASON!! Okay, I'm questioning Oprah, but I can't find anything. I'm digging, but all I see is this lazy person who won't do anything to change, and frankly, I don't want to look at her all that closely because she's not inspiring and she's still sitting on the damn couch eating ice cream. So you can take your deeper crap and shove it! THERE'S A DEEPER REASON!!! Wow. Okay I hear you. Maybe if I can identify it, I can start to make changes. Maybe....but I always fail. WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT STEPHANIE? I always fail. WHAT?!?!?!? I ALWAYS FAIL! Ah. I see.
Every time I lose weight, I gain it back, and then some. Every time I go to write, I find something else to do. There are always excuses. But there's a deeper reason :-)
No matter how hard I work, my idea of a fabulous body is Shakira and I'll NEVER get there. So what's the point??? HUH JILLIAN? I can't afford a personal trainer and nutritionist and I don't have time to to work out 2 hours a day, six days a week! Jillian whispers to me: you know that's not it Stephanie. You can make better choices, you can work out everyday, and you know how to work out. You have to believe in you or no one else will. You have to know that you CAN achieve that goal if you really want it. Do you want it? Otherwise, stop beating yourself up about it.
Well, let's be realistic. Jillian would yell at me that I would reach that goal :-) But the point is, why not reach for the stars? Why not reach for size 6? Why not reach for publication? I deserve it, if I work hard for it and I want it bad enough. I need to stop being afraid of failure and start living. I need to stop fearing the people I might encounter in my master's courses, who have bachelors in English that I don't have. So what? If they have a love for writing, they probably struggle just like I do and they might really want to help me or have an appreciation for what I do or, at the very least, take no notice of me whatsoever. They have better things to do than laugh at me or worry about my writing. So stop being afraid!
But the voice is still there. The doubt. What if you give up? What if you lose your motivation? What if you fail?
We don't change overnight. Life is a journey and right now I'm on a precarious trek that could fall to either side, but if it falls on the side of success? What if I succeed? I think it might be time to put a sticky note on the bathroom mirror!
What if you succeed?
*Aunt Mimi. You inspire me with your eloquence and your love for the arts; for your bravery in choices you've made in your life and things you've lived through :-) I love you and I love that you believe in me. Thank you.*
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Support
I love that I am surrounded by people who want to lift me up and help me reach my goals. I realize that not everyone will enjoy what I write because I may write in a genre that is not their favorite and, let's face it, I may write some stinkers :-) But Stephenie Meyers is laughing all the way to the bank as Stephen King criticizes her writing. I guess what I mean is, someone will always appreciate what you write. Even if it's only one person and that one person is you.
I have to write for me. It would be nice one day if I get published and have fans, but that may never happen, and I will still love to write.
I feel like I'm drawn toward literature that I want to create: trashy fiction :-) I almost feel like that's not good enough. I should aspire to Jane Austen and Maya Angelou, Emily Dickinson and Langston Hughes, but I just don't find that entertaining a lot of the time. Although I did thoroughly enjoy Pride and Prejudice, even though I had to keep putting it down to grab the dictionary. And I know that if I want to be a great writer I need to read, read, and then read some more. But there is an audience for every type of writing.
I love Charliane Harris right now, along with many other vampire writers. I am drawn to fantasy and I think vampires especially, because the idea of living forever appeals to me; at least at this stage of my life. Perhaps something I'll explore in another blog.
In that category I love Anne Rice, Christopher Pike, and Stephenie Meyer. Vastly different, but all focused on the same subject area.
I also started a book club with some friends this year to expose myself to different types of literature. I don't think I latched on to any of the authors, but I enjoyed reading books I wouldn't have picked otherwise. I especially enjoyed hearing different points of view.
I love JK Rowling and hope she will write more. I enjoy Philippa Gregory and Dan Brown because even though they are fiction writers, it feels very real. I think in my own writing I want to include elements of science and actual locations that will make it seem as if it could be possible, or it could have happened that way.
I also think that going back to school will open me up to more literature, that I wouldn't otherwise enjoy, because I enjoy breaking it down and discussing the meaning it holds for others.
I don't know if I feel comfortable labeling writing good or bad. When I grade my own children's writing I tell them the truth. It may have been boring, they could have added more detail, etc., but that doesn't make it bad. I would say, like anything else, there's always room for writing to improve :-)
And I hope, that with the support of many fabulous friends and family members, my writing will continue to grow.
*Thank you Ryan. Your opinion, for some reason :-), means a lot to me and I appreciate your support. And thank you Mike. I have a feeling you will be a big part of my journey; whether you want to be or not ;-)*
I have to write for me. It would be nice one day if I get published and have fans, but that may never happen, and I will still love to write.
I feel like I'm drawn toward literature that I want to create: trashy fiction :-) I almost feel like that's not good enough. I should aspire to Jane Austen and Maya Angelou, Emily Dickinson and Langston Hughes, but I just don't find that entertaining a lot of the time. Although I did thoroughly enjoy Pride and Prejudice, even though I had to keep putting it down to grab the dictionary. And I know that if I want to be a great writer I need to read, read, and then read some more. But there is an audience for every type of writing.
I love Charliane Harris right now, along with many other vampire writers. I am drawn to fantasy and I think vampires especially, because the idea of living forever appeals to me; at least at this stage of my life. Perhaps something I'll explore in another blog.
In that category I love Anne Rice, Christopher Pike, and Stephenie Meyer. Vastly different, but all focused on the same subject area.
I also started a book club with some friends this year to expose myself to different types of literature. I don't think I latched on to any of the authors, but I enjoyed reading books I wouldn't have picked otherwise. I especially enjoyed hearing different points of view.
I love JK Rowling and hope she will write more. I enjoy Philippa Gregory and Dan Brown because even though they are fiction writers, it feels very real. I think in my own writing I want to include elements of science and actual locations that will make it seem as if it could be possible, or it could have happened that way.
I also think that going back to school will open me up to more literature, that I wouldn't otherwise enjoy, because I enjoy breaking it down and discussing the meaning it holds for others.
I don't know if I feel comfortable labeling writing good or bad. When I grade my own children's writing I tell them the truth. It may have been boring, they could have added more detail, etc., but that doesn't make it bad. I would say, like anything else, there's always room for writing to improve :-)
And I hope, that with the support of many fabulous friends and family members, my writing will continue to grow.
*Thank you Ryan. Your opinion, for some reason :-), means a lot to me and I appreciate your support. And thank you Mike. I have a feeling you will be a big part of my journey; whether you want to be or not ;-)*
Monday, June 14, 2010
Fear
So ready to head out to the pool, but dammit I will write everyday!
So I began to question myself about becoming a writer- let me stop myself right there, I AM a writer. A paycheck does not define what you are- okay, so I was questioning my desire. Where was it coming from? Just because I wrote tons in middle school and got praise for it, from peers and teachers, did that mean I loved it? Is this really what I want?
What really forced me to ask myself these questions was going back to school for my masters. Lots of money=is this really what I want to do? I started asking myself, "If you love this so much, why don't you have stories done? Why haven't you been writing everyday? Why isn't going back to school an automatic, if this is...my destiny?" Just kidding :-)
Well I'm still not entirely sure of the answer to all those questions, but my mother, who I consider to be very wisdomess (if Beyonce can add bootylicious, I can add wisdomess), gave me a book. I read the first passage and I felt it was written for me:
"One of the most important tasks in artistic recovery is learning to call things-and ourselves-by the right names. Most of us have spent years using the wrong names for our behaviors. We have wanted to create and we have been unable to create and we have called that inability laziness. That is not merely inaccurate. It is cruel. Accuracy and compassion serve us far better. Blocked artists are not lazy. They are blocked. Do not call the inability to start laziness. Call it fear. "
-Julia Cameron
Mother and Julia, THANK YOU! I know I have a streak of laziness and procrastination, which I'm sure both sides of my family will attest I come by honestly :-), but I also have fear. Who will read what I write? What if they hate it? What if they use cruel words to express their distaste of something I've poured my heart and soul into? Well you know what? SCREW 'EM!
No, just kidding :-) I'm still scared, but I have to get over it. Because I do love writing. Right now I am enjoying myself immensely typing something of no consequence. Can you imagine when I begin on the ideas brewing in my brain? Can you imagine when I complete my first work?
I still have doubts that I'll get there, but now I have NO doubt that I want to get there :-)
*I would also like to thank my Aunt Agnes, who reminded me that this is a discipline that deserves my time and effort, although others may not understand that because it isn't a 9-5 job. She inspires me through her own beautiful art and her encouragement to artists who have doubts and fears :-) Thank you Aunt Agnes*
So I began to question myself about becoming a writer- let me stop myself right there, I AM a writer. A paycheck does not define what you are- okay, so I was questioning my desire. Where was it coming from? Just because I wrote tons in middle school and got praise for it, from peers and teachers, did that mean I loved it? Is this really what I want?
What really forced me to ask myself these questions was going back to school for my masters. Lots of money=is this really what I want to do? I started asking myself, "If you love this so much, why don't you have stories done? Why haven't you been writing everyday? Why isn't going back to school an automatic, if this is...my destiny?" Just kidding :-)
Well I'm still not entirely sure of the answer to all those questions, but my mother, who I consider to be very wisdomess (if Beyonce can add bootylicious, I can add wisdomess), gave me a book. I read the first passage and I felt it was written for me:
"One of the most important tasks in artistic recovery is learning to call things-and ourselves-by the right names. Most of us have spent years using the wrong names for our behaviors. We have wanted to create and we have been unable to create and we have called that inability laziness. That is not merely inaccurate. It is cruel. Accuracy and compassion serve us far better. Blocked artists are not lazy. They are blocked. Do not call the inability to start laziness. Call it fear. "
-Julia Cameron
Mother and Julia, THANK YOU! I know I have a streak of laziness and procrastination, which I'm sure both sides of my family will attest I come by honestly :-), but I also have fear. Who will read what I write? What if they hate it? What if they use cruel words to express their distaste of something I've poured my heart and soul into? Well you know what? SCREW 'EM!
No, just kidding :-) I'm still scared, but I have to get over it. Because I do love writing. Right now I am enjoying myself immensely typing something of no consequence. Can you imagine when I begin on the ideas brewing in my brain? Can you imagine when I complete my first work?
I still have doubts that I'll get there, but now I have NO doubt that I want to get there :-)
*I would also like to thank my Aunt Agnes, who reminded me that this is a discipline that deserves my time and effort, although others may not understand that because it isn't a 9-5 job. She inspires me through her own beautiful art and her encouragement to artists who have doubts and fears :-) Thank you Aunt Agnes*
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Is love worth it?
A life lived with love will not be perfect. It will not be without mistakes. It will not be without sorrow. It will not be without anger. It will not be without suffering. But it will have perfect moments. It will have happiness. It will have compassion. It will have heart. It will have everything.
When I wrote this, someone in my family was really frustrating me and I had to remind myself why it was worth caring anymore.Of course love is worth it :-)
Friday, June 11, 2010
Choice vs. Destiny
I used to believe in destiny. I thought it was a very romantic notion; We are destined for each other! Some powerful force in the universe chose us for each other and we will be together for all eternity. I actually used to picture us (humanity) all in heaven- babies on fluffy, white clouds with Father Time and his scroll, sending us down when it was our time, "That one there, with the blond curls. She's next. And that boy there, with the brown skin. Oh, they'll be quite the controversial couple." He would clap his hands together excitedly at the pairing he'd just created: destiny. And we were together there, on those fluffy, white clouds. Us and our destinies. It was all decided... Anyway, I had this whole vision in my pretty little head. But wait a minute...what about my free will?
If you believe in destiny, there's obviously nothing wrong with that. It's a matter of opinion. I was actually quite sad when I moved from destiny to choice. There goes my romantic notion out the window. But then my wedding day happened, and it made all that sadness disappear.
I actually believe that there are probably hundreds of other men I could be compatible with on this earth. I believe the same for my husband; that there are other women he could have made a life with. But that thought doesn't sadden me.
On my wedding day, as I walked down the aisle and looked into my fiance's eyes, I knew I was choosing him and he, likewise, was choosing me. I was his choice! We both could have continued on our journeys and chosen someone else, but we didn't. And no powerful force brought us together. We brought us together.
It was part of the recipe that made my wedding day the best day of my life. How could I be nervous? This was my choice. Nobody elses.
I believe choice is more powerful than destiny. More romantic. Hello there, romantic notion. I'm glad you're back :-)
If you believe in destiny, there's obviously nothing wrong with that. It's a matter of opinion. I was actually quite sad when I moved from destiny to choice. There goes my romantic notion out the window. But then my wedding day happened, and it made all that sadness disappear.
I actually believe that there are probably hundreds of other men I could be compatible with on this earth. I believe the same for my husband; that there are other women he could have made a life with. But that thought doesn't sadden me.
On my wedding day, as I walked down the aisle and looked into my fiance's eyes, I knew I was choosing him and he, likewise, was choosing me. I was his choice! We both could have continued on our journeys and chosen someone else, but we didn't. And no powerful force brought us together. We brought us together.
It was part of the recipe that made my wedding day the best day of my life. How could I be nervous? This was my choice. Nobody elses.
I believe choice is more powerful than destiny. More romantic. Hello there, romantic notion. I'm glad you're back :-)
Day 1
I have no idea what I will say, and I have no idea who would want to read what I have to say, but I guess I have to get over that if I want to be a writer :-) I'm addicted to the happy face. There will be lots of happy faces :-)
*Jessica, thank you for being my first follower*
*Jessica, thank you for being my first follower*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)