Confused

Well, like most of the country, world, universe probably, I'm very stressed. As I sit here typing I have a pain in my chest right where my heart is; like a tightness, and it's weighing heavily on my mind. I feel when I come home after working with children all day I am mentally drained and exhausted- granted, that is normal for a teacher. And it's a good exhaustion: I CHANGED A LIFE TODAY exhaustion. This pain in my chest, the tightness in my shoulders and neck, the random crying, and gaining weight, however, are not normal. That "gift" comes from the "powers that be." The "I've never been a teacher, so I will tell them how to do their jobs" people. Pains in my ever-growing ass.
Anyway, I feel less and less like writing or immersing myself in research for writing. I constantly find myself questioning- well, you had some middle and high school teachers who loved your work, but does that mean you want to be a writer? Does that mean I can write? If I want to write, why am I not writing? (present typing excluded :-)) Which, as you can imagine, leads to more stress on my poor little heart and ENORMOUS brain....just kidding ;-)
I think my first action should be to stop telling people I want to write *looks at the title of her blog and sighs* I think I feel there is an expectation...
And I need to start showing people what I write. I'm so scared of reactions. I will not post my current blogs on Facebook. I'm too scared.
Even as I type my blog, I find myself editing. I love editing my own writing and my children's writing. Finding ways to make it "better." Maybe that's what I want to do....
Can you tell by the randomness of this blog that I'm confused????
Oh well.
Who isn't?